she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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