you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
