I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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