just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
