I love black thongs
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i out mim tonsoeep
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
