And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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