Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
