I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Randomize
