I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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