he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
