I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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