Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
