Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
