Sorry, I don't speak sober.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
