Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
