So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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