I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
