the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
