You're so nebulous sometimes
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
