do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
