Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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