You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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