this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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