What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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