I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just want nice things and good sex
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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