be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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