I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
