Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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