fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize