dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
