We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
