I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i was born a porn star she said
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
