I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
