I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
