man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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