I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
