The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
