Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
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