i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
if only i could text you this smell
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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