Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
