To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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