It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
