So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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