man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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