I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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