I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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