I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
