I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
