I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
