It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
