Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
