foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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