She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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