I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
