Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
