Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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