i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
