You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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