im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
