I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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