well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
