glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
