If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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