Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
