Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
