My sheets look like a crime scene.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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