an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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