I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
