Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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