Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
