So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
