I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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