No subtext here. People are naked.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
