We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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