The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
