Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
nutella sex= disaster
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
