my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
