My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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