Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
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