If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
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To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
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Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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