Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
