Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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