I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
