my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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