I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
