Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
